Everyone’s favorite cookies – ranked best to worst

By Bryan Ramos

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know people call Christmas the most wonderful time of the year and what not, but the true most wonderful time of the year is finally here: it’s Girl Scout Cookies season.

The Girl Scouts of Greater South Texas are out slangin’ their famous cookies again from now until Feb. 25. When you hear “girl scout cookie”, what do you think of? There are nine different types and flavors of cookies, so I’m going to rank them and break them down as a certified Girl Scout Cookies connoisseur.

  1. Caramel deLites – Also known as Samoas, these cookies are the G.O.A.T. You might know them as the chocolate cookies with coconut flakes and coated in caramel. Now, I absolutely HATE coconut and anything coconut flavored. With that said, these cookies are good and flavorful and the only time i’ll ever put coconut in my mouth…that sounded weird.
  2. Peanut Butter Patties – Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups is the best damn candy in the world, don’t @ me. Anytime you combine peanut butter and chocolate, glorious things happen, and that’s exactly what these cookies are, glorious.
  3. S’mores – Everybody loves the classic campfire treat, well now you can get them in cookie form from your neighborhood hustler, I mean girl scout. These are a new addition to the lineup and are straight fire.
  4. Thin Mints – Chocolate has always been my go-to, but the one way to make me absolutely hate chocolate is to combine it with mint. I put these at 4 for the simple reason that I know there’s a lot of weirdos that like this combination. Not judging y’all, I just prefer my cookies to taste like cookies, gum to taste like gum, and not like I’m eating both at the same time.
  5. Thanks-A-Lot – I was torn on this one because anytime I hear the phrase “thanks-a-lot”, or at least when I use it, it’s because I’m being sarcastic. When I first opened these up I was like “yo, are these girl scouts dissing me?” But then I bit into it and realized there was chocolate inside and immediately any beef with girl scouts was squashed.
  6. Peanut Butter Sandwich – Big fan of peanut butter, but you better have a glass of milk ready to go because this is one dangerously dry cookie.
  7. Trios – I saw the words gluten-free and knocked these down my ranks right away. I know there’s a gluten-free craze, and I respect it, but cookies and gluten go together like Cowboys fans and heartbreak. Chocolate chip, peanut butter in an oatmeal cookie sounds like a killer combo, but get that gluten-free-ness out my face.
  8. Lemonades – These shouldn’t even be on the menu. Straight up imposters. Fruit and cookies should be separated like church and state. Lemons are dope, lemonade is my favorite, but throw it in a dry cookie and you’ve made an enemy out of me.
  9. Shortbread – Described as “delightfully simple and satisfying”, these are the most basic cookie ever created. Shortbread don’t even sound appealing. Shortbread is too close to short bus, which is offensive, and I’m offended if these are your favorite cookies.

Well there you have it, Girl Scout Cookies ranked. So, hit up your local girl scouts who are out there raising money to support themselves as they build girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place.

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